Following is a small sample from hundreds of emails received from Kim in which she discusses her relationship with Charles Schwab and his efforts to force her to break up with me and return to him. It is felt that Schwab’s desperation to have Kim return was due to having involved her in a huge insider trading scheme involving Micron Corporation’s attempt to take over Hynix Corporation. I discuss this in detail in my books.
Obama severed ties between Kim & me
Please keep in mind that Presidents Bush, Obama, and Trump have issued gag orders that prevent the media and government officials at all levels from communicating with me. However, Obama went further and issued gag orders that cut off all communication between Kim and me. It was complicated for Bush and Obama because they were hiring Schwab and his daughter as economics advisors. Kim was hired as one of their patsies.
I have not heard from Kim since 2007.
In our last emails and phone calls, before she was forced to become a government patsy and Obama cut us off completely, Kim was talking with me about her serious health problems. Since Schwab had forced her to leave me and return to him she had suffered two strokes and was fighting her second bout with ovarian cancer. Despite her serious condition Obama prohibited Kim and her family from communicating with or visiting me–in order to protect billionaire Charles R. Schwab from prosecution and imprisonment.
Most Americans are unaware of this darker side of their evil government and corporate leaders.
This type of government is made possible in the United States of America by the evil Rothschild Zionists that rule the US and much of the world.
Americans can dream about democracy and freedom, but in reality Israel and US Zionists like Charles R. Schwab have more power over their lives than their elected officials.
Remember that Kim and I had gone together for almost a year and were engaged to be married when Schwab forced her to leave me and return to him for a second failed attempt. Details of Schwab’s dirty tactics are discussed fully in my books.
The idea of civil rights and justice in America is a tremendous joke on the American people. Everything Americans believe about their government & world history is bullshit propaganda. America is a moneymaking war machine owned and controlled by its Zionist masters.
Keep in mind that at the time of the following emails from Kim, Schwab had been hacking my computers and reading our emails for many months. I had not did discuss Schwab’s illegal activities because I wanted to gather evidence against him. Because of Kim’s admiration for this man who was our president’s Economics advisor, Kim joined him in thinking he was above the law and even discussed the emails she was receiving from Schwab. Throughout our ordeal with Schwab & the US Government Kim was every naive and did not grasp the severity of their crimes against us. Thus, her lack of empathy regarding how I was reacting to what was going on between her and Schwab. Became rather obvious that he was confiding in her as though she were his partner in crimes, which of course we now know was true due to Schwab’s “protected”.
***
Kim’s Last Emails
Just a small sample
Please note: Further editing is planned to condense & annotate Kim’s emails. In places where she expresses confusion & distrust, this is due to Schwab’s constant denigration of the author & passing his hacked emails to Kim, no doubt with his personal editing. All of this is discussed in detail in author’s books.
—–Original Message—–
From: Kim Haines [mailto:windsonginn@earthlink.net]
Sent: Tuesday, August 13, 2002 12:11 PM
To: coolwebs@coolwebs.org
Subject: RE: Couldn’t sleep
Dearest Hot Lips –
After over a week of not hearing your voice, it was like old times talking to you again and I realized just how much I missed our fun exchange of quips together.
In order to begin a real dialog between us now, I feel I need to explain what transpired from my point of view over the last few months. When I began to receive copies of all your correspondence with other via your emails and your comments about how strange and difficult I was, how many “sides” of my personality there were, and how uncertain you were about our relationship and that you were going to pursue former relationships, I really thought of leaving then and there. That is when things began to change between us as far as I was concerned. I understood your confusion and the doubts that began to creep in when you knew I was going to move to San Diego. At that point if I had felt I could really trust you I would not have accepted Keith’s job and would have figured out a way to bypass Charles’ obsession for me to leave Eugene and you. When you would spend hours on the computer and then I would get copies of the emails you were sending that were unflattering to me and to our relationship I really didn’t know what to do. I should have confronted you then and there but caution told me to hold off and see where this was going. Wayne, I had come to Eugene to be with you in the hopes that we could and would turn our relationship into a lifetime of happiness. I had never known anyone who could be so loving one minute and then cold and unassuming the next. I longed for you to tell me, “Kim, I love you”, but every time I tried to assure myself that we had a future together you would clam up, distanced yourself from me and leave me guessing. Having had an open and honest relationship with Sam for all those years where there was no doubt about how we felt towards each other, this was not only scary for me but made me more determined than ever to make sure I took care of myself first by accepting Keith’s offer and preparing for a “life without you”. Additionally, I was getting incredible pressure from Sir Cee to get out of there, all the financial pressure from him, and the spiraling stock market eroding my financial future, I was stressed out beyond belief. Then, when you kept stating that there was no way you would leave Eric to be with me (you told Sue and alluded that to me) I again felt betrayed and that I had made a complete fool of myself by making a commitment to you (moving to Eugene and buying our “commitment rings”) and didn’t understand where you were coming from. I do understand that you because somewhat cautious when I was “forbidden” to get married. Wayne, you can’t begin to know the pressure I have been under for this past year and how much hold CS had on my financial future. Perhaps if you and I had been more honest with one another a lot of the misunderstandings could have been avoided.
When I went to Boise on business, CS gave me a report on your activities and begged me to get out of there because he felt you were only after my money, that you saw me as a meal ticket, and that your intentions were anything but honorable. You did very little to persuade me that he wasn’t correct in his assumptions.
After all the things that have happened over the past few months, I have tried to turn my back on Eugene, you, and Eric and to move on with my life, setting my sights on San Diego, my new job, and just chalking up the past six months to a bitter sweet experience. Although it was not my intent to “end” our relationship the way it happened – particularly in a restaurant when all I really wanted was to just spend our last night together in sweet harmony, you asked about coming to San Diego for a visit, and I just blurted out what I felt I needed to say, that it was “over” between us. When you left me in the restaurant to wonder how I was going to get home, I knew that I had to leave that night. Your temper, your reactions to things, and the ugly things you said to me convinced me I had made a terrible mistake and that I had best get out of your life forever. When we got home and you immediately ran to the phone to “report to Sue or whomever you were talking to” as to what had just happened, made me feel I was justified in getting out of there as soon as possible. I didn’t sleep at all that night and sat in my motel room staring at the walls. I spent this past week with my stomach in knots, my heart broken, and have cried more tears than I thought possible. If it hadn’t been for the solace of my friends and their comforting and gentle ways, this week would have been almost unbearable.
In spite of everything that has happened between and about us, I know that I love you very much and that I find it difficult to bear the thought of living without you. If, however, your feelings about our future together are in doubt, you need to tell me that now so that I can begin to mend my broken heart and move on. Wayne, I told you in my last email that I walked away and will continue on with my life without you if that is the right thing to do but YOU have to be honest with me and tell me where you see this thing going between us and if you are willing to take the necessary risks to make it work. I can’t have a relationship with you or anyone else for that matter, who leaves doubts in my mind every day as to our future together and how you feel about me. When I know that I am needed, wanted, and loved, daily assurances aren’t necessary because I KNOW these things by actions, not necessarily words. I know you are not as verbal as I am about expressing feelings, but look how Eric has responded to my physical touching and my verbalizing of my feelings towards him. Why are you so afraid to express love to someone anyway?
I am very tempted to c.c. this email to Sue as she apparently has a very bad and incorrect image of me since she doesn’t know my side of the story, however our relationship, from my point of view, is private and between us only. I have not discussed the sorted details of what has happened between us with ANYONE other than in general terms to Margie. If we have a future together, I don’t want other people (isn’t CS knowing about us enough?) to know the specifics about things between us. Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to have to sit in the same room with Sue when I knew what you had told her?
This week you have created even more confusion in my mind because of your emails to me and your comments about “loving each other” and an expression of how you said you have actually felt towards me. Hearing your voice last night and the sweetness you portray when you are not angry toward me just melts my heart. I am very aware that you aren’t ready to move to San Diego now or any time in the near future and I’m not sure I’m ready for you to do that either, but when you feel that taking care of a 20 year old young man is more important than anything we might build together, then I get really scared about making any commitments back to you.
If we are to build a future together, then we need to change some rules. No more dishonestly from either side or if there are questions about things that require answers or explanations, then we need to address them to each other right then and there. We do have so many things in common, we make terrific lovers, you have brought a lot of joy to my life when all is well, and, as I have said so many times, I LOVE YOU WAYNE.
Last, but not least, let me be very clear that I am not interested now or ever in controlling you or your life. I will not stand by either and have you or anyone run over me, but please tell me when you think I was or am trying to control you. It is important to me for us both to have independent thoughts and actions. I don’t expect that we can be all things to and for each other but in order to be a “team” we have to work together and at our age, there isn’t a lot of time left to waste on superficial nonsense.
My involvement with CS IS OVER! I have fulfilled ALL my financial obligations to him, I have turned over the majority of my fortunes to him and am now left with a modest amount of $$ for my future, but the important thing is I am FREE of him. I don’t want to discuss him ever or even think about him anymore. He has occupied too much of my life all ready and I will no longer give up my power to him. If you need to blow off steam regarding him, then take it up with someone else but not me as, as far as I’m concerned, this subject is closed forever.
Let this be the beginning of a new chapter of life and put all of the bad times behind us. Let us see if we can recapture what we started in San Diego in March if you are willing but under the new rules of openness, honesty, and commitment. It will not be easy with us far apart but if we are meant to be a couple, then it will happen.
I believe Eric will be ready to get on with his life with a bit more time and gentle prodding from you so you just have decide what your priorities are and how you want to approach them.
Wayne, after you have had time to read this email and still wish to call me, I’ll be up and available after 9 pm tonight. There is no pressure from me now or ever about a future together but I need to know where we stand with each other and whether I should continue on with my journey of life in San Diego alone or to hold out my hand to you so that we can walk the beaches of life together. Gosh that really sounds corny but you know what I mean.
I Love you,
Sweetie Pie
—–Original Message—–
From: Kim Haines [mailto:windsonginn@earthlink.net]
Sent: Saturday, August 10, 2002 12:40 PM
To: wayne@coolwebs.org
Subject:
Dear Wayne –
When you entered my life last November I doubt either one of us thought much would come of our correspondence, particularly since we were both seeing other people at the time. However, our initial meeting in early February sparked a new curiosity and our interests in one another began to amplify with more frequent correspondence and conversations.
When you came to San Diego in March, something happened between us that was difficult to describe but magical in its experience. When you came down the stairs at the airport I felt then that something more than a casual friendship may be developing and by the time you left to return to Eugene I knew we were on the road to something very special.
You talked of getting married in August and of my coming to Eugene to live with you, at least until we could move to San Diego together in the not-too-distant future. After considerable discussion I came to Eugene April 23, 2002 to begin this “new life” with you and to see if we could make things works as a couple. At the beginning, like many new relationships, we were quite happy together sharing in discussions, exchanging ideas and day-to-day events, and exploring our different life styles.
Unfortunately the involvement of my broker in San Francisco in my daily life caused both of us more consternation and grief than even I expected. If I could have, I would have done almost anything to avoid this messy situation in some way so that it didn’t interfere with what we were trying to build. He had a lot at stake in keeping me “safe” and unattached. Now that that goal has been satisfied, in his estimation, and I have fulfilled my financial obligations to him, I’m now free to make my own choices. I only wish that bit of business could have been settled prior to my arrival in Eugene.
Perhaps then things between us could have been very different. I apologize to you in his behalf for all the pain and suffering you feel he caused you. It was not you personally he was after but you just happened to get in the way of his need to protect his interests.
I watched as you drew away from me, became more secretive in your actions and less willing to “communicate” In addition, things became even more complicated when Keith offered me a job in San Diego before either of us was really ready to make that move. In spite of various differences between us, I felt, and perhaps you did too at one point, that we could overcome these obstacles in some way and that our feelings for each other would over-shadow these events.
Some time ago I began receiving copies of your email to and from other people. At first I was appalled that they were being sent to me until I was advised to read them. The contents of several communiqués amongst your friends such as Sue, Lorna, and Don were painful for me to read at best. You expressed many feelings to all of them that you were unwilling to share with me.
When you told Lorna that you had heard from “Lisa” in Vancouver, that you had been crazy about her in Wenatchee and perhaps, after I was gone, you would see if you could rekindle that feeling, I was crushed. Knowing you were planning a trip to Portland to visit her while I was in Orcas not only hurt me terribly, but I then began to close up and withdraw in self-defense.
I just didn’t want you to hurt me any further. Correspondence to “Vicky” and others only fortified my fear and made me more determined to go my own way when I left for San Diego.
When you told Sue, “don’t tell Kim,” etc. I felt betrayed and confused not knowing why you were feeling the way you did and yet when I tried to approach the subject with you, you would leave the room in anger saying you were just not going to discuss this issue.
Yes Wayne, I did test you several times over and found I really didn’t have to say much as you would incriminate yourself without me saying hardly a word. I do wish to apologize to you for my part in the invasion of your privacy by having read your mail, as I believe few have that right without permission. I am not proud of having been witness to that part of you that you thought was private between you and others, but I don’t understand why you would not talk to me about your feelings and yet be so quick and willing to discuss many details of our relationship and my personal quirks” with Sue while all along I thought these matters were private issue just between us.
I have joked with you that I tell Margie everything, but in reality, our business is just that – OURS and I have never compromised anything sacred between us that was no one else’s business. I am truly happy that you have a friend or friends you can share things with but I was under the mistaken believe that building a good foundation for a solid relationship would keep most of those details private between us. Had more energy gone into trying to make this commitment work rather than tearing me down to your friends and blaming me for everything that went wrong, we might have been able to work through each other’s idiosyncrasies until we found real love
From my perspective, in order to have a real relationship and partnership
with another, each must be willing to be trustworthy, loyal, and sincerely
interested in making that relationship work. It is my interpretation that
you ran both hot and cold; one minute talking like we would never see each
other again and the next minute talking about selling your house and moving to San Diego, therefore making it difficult for me to know where you stood relative to our future together.
On the more positive side we do have many things in common and you have made me laugh many times over. There is no question that we were terrific lovers in bed, and that we found many hours of joy in each other’s company.
There have been misunderstandings, unshared secrets, and an unwillingness to explore together where we were in our process of knowing and learning to love one another. We stopped short of really sharing our feelings together, exploring how we could take two separate lives and blend them together, and most of all, learn to accept one another even with all our individual faults, idiosyncrasies and inadequacies. This is WHO we are and WHAT we are. Are the differences and annoyances too great to bridge the gap or could we mutually begin the process of loving each other with all of our quirks and foibles? After all Dearest Wayne, YOU are who you are and I am who I am, but wasn’t that what attracted us to each other in the first place?
Wayne, you reside in my mind and in my heart as a constant reminder of someone I fell in love with, never far away and yet so troubling. Turning my thoughts to other things besides you is so challenging as the images of you and I together drift in and out of my soul.
I miss you and what we started to build.
I feel your anger and your pain. We have hurt each other terribly and the natural reaction is to strike back in some retaliatory way. This only belays the sorrow and yet, in the end, provides little comfort to either person. Let us put down our weapons and talk. CAN we talk? Are we ABLE to reach inside our hearts, set aside the pain, the pride, and the anger, at least long enough to be open to a discussion, so that we can hear what the other really has to say.
I walked away from you with such reluctance and great sadness but will keep on going if this is the right thing to do, however, if after reading this you feel we CAN talk as adults, with weapons and hurtful words retired, then answer me from your heart. You know how and where to reach me. If, however, the above condition is unacceptable, the pain and anger too unforgiving and you don’t care to respond, then I genuinely wish you success in your pursuit of whatever will make you happy. The impact of having spent such precious time together these past few months has changed me forever and I hold the memory of those times very close to my heart.
In peace and friendship,
Kim
P.S. Having just arrived at Peter’s in Las Vegas and finally connected to Outlook, I have read your emails to me for the first time. The above was written over several days but before I connected to your letters of hurt and anger. Wayne, can we stop this now? I not just walked, but ran because you have touched me in a place where only one other has been – deep in my heart and in my soul and when I thought you had betrayed me I didn’t know what else to do to but stop from being hurt any further. What have we done to each other anyway? Is it too late to bury the pain and try again or has too much damage been done to try to forgive and move forward together? My trip to San Francisco has taken care of that problem that existed there and I have been promised that he will no longer interfere in my daily life again and I have every reason to believe him now. (She refers here to Charles Schwab
—–Original Message—–
From: Kim Haines [mailto:windsonginn@orcasonline.com]
Sent: Friday, April 19, 2002 6:37 AM
To: Wayne
Subject: RE: A lesson to be learned
Good morning Darling –
Once again the night has stolen my slumber as its darkness envelops my body, but gives no relief to needed rest. I first awoke at 11:30, read a while, then fought to return to a dreamless state. After hours of lying in bed with exaggerated thoughts racing around the room with insurmountable solutions, I had to get up. By the light of dawn I know I’ll be exhausted but perhaps I will sleep tonight. It really disturbs me that my mind would allow the worry of another’s action disturb my sleep, but apparently I don’t have total control of all that goes on inside my head.
Wayne, once again I’m sorry you have had to become involved in my dealings with Sir C and I’m sure that had I had the time to recover before talking with you I would have spared you the details of this bizarre event. Let me share with you just a bit of our business involvement. Charles is the trustee of my entire estate and has control of everything I do financially. This way he absorbs and is responsible for many tax issues. At the time I made him trustee it made a great deal of sense to do so considering his own personal financial situation and mine, etc. All documents were drawn up by very competent attorneys and tax accountants and are pretty airtight. I was of sound mind at the time I initiated this transfer and would be hard pressed to prove otherwise. When I say I am like a puppet on a string, I’m not kidding. Sir C NEVER enters into an agreement that would put him in jeopardy in any way, believe me. Our legal agreements are not easily reversed without mutual consent and if he chooses to exercise his rights as trustee I can be in lots of trouble. In the long run this agreement has great tax benefits for me and continues to shelter me legally from the IRS and others that would like to put a claim on my financial assets. So you see, he controls the purse strings, most of my financial decisions, and other things.
To tell him to go to hell is not as easy as one might think. The good news is I know some of his vulnerable points and will use them if I have to. The moment I decide to act on some of these “points” would mean to declare war with him and in the long run, due to his seemingly unlimited resources, he would win so I need to approach him softly but carry a big stick.
The bottom line of all this is I will not let him or anyone else dictate with whom I choose to live, to love, or to associate. His threats are real and his methods are legal so I must move with great caution and care. I will not do anything stupid and although I know you mean well, it is not in my best interest to disclose any more information to you or anyone except legal counsel regarding my financial relationship with Sir C. Wayne, I know you know that I have been very closed about that part of my life (financial) not because I don’t trust you but because I am obligated under certain agreements not to discuss this outside of my immediate family.
I would hope you would not be hurt or distrusting by my attitude but perhaps the above explanation will help you understand just a bit why I am reluctant to discuss certain things. Please, I do hope you understand that my love for you has nothing to do with this mess except how it affects us directly in our every day lives. It is important for me to be extremely conservative right now in my spending of money as it relates to my assets. The property I am selling on Orcas was in joint ownership with Sam and not part of my dealings with Sir C so I can do with it as I wish. Throughout my entire married life with Sam, all major assets were melded into various trusts with the exception of specific ones such as our primary residence, etc. This was necessary due to the large volume of business loans we jointly signed on throughout the years he was a builder and developer. In order to protect our jointly held assets as well as my own personal ones, we had to do it that way because it was necessary to sign on business loans that amounted to millions and we didn’t want to lose everything if the real estate and building market went south, as it often did. Therefore it is not as easy to put my hands on various funds as you might have thought. This is a very simplified version of a complex situation, but I feel I owe you more of an explanation that I have given you in the past.
So my sweet darling now you know as much as I’m able to tell you without compromising the agreements I have signed. I do hope this helps a bit more in your understanding why I reacted as I did when Sir C made this legal threat yesterday.
Let us put this discussion behind us and go forward with what we are building between us. There is nothing you can do to aid me in this dilemma other than to give me your support and understanding. Don’t forget I’m a pretty strong lady and will not roll over and play dead when the going gets tough. I just get tougher.
Let me tell you this morning just how much I love you Baby.
Your blossoming flower
—–Original Message—–
From: Kim Haines [mailto:windsonginn@orcasonline.com]
Sent: Friday, April 12, 2002 4:23 PM
To: Wayne
Subject: Re: painting, cleaning, planting, fixing…& CS
Hi Honey and Sweetness –
I had a long talk with Terry as well as another lawyer-friend who
practices law in Maryland and Washington, D.C., but he has given me a
name of two attorneys here that specialize in this kind of law. I have
a call into one and waiting for him to return my call.
Also, Charles called again, full of remorse and apologies for being
angry and told me he has removed my shadow and said he would leave me
alone if that is what I REALLY want. Uh huh! Yes, you must trust me on
this one and know that I will be very cautious in my dealings with him
but I can’t tell him to take a flying leap totally. I told him that I
was in love with someone else and that I have made plans to live
with “him” (you) and asked him to please keep my business and personal
life separate. Wayne, this is going to be difficult for awhile
knowing Charles, but given some time, and quiet presistence on my part
and I will make him go away. he can case me great anguish business- wise if I tell him to go to hell. I really don’t care to burn bridges
in any relationship anyway, so I want this to end up a win-win
situation and he and I to be able to remain friends. I only wish to
use threats if that becomes my last resort but Charles is too smart
and clever for that to happen. Also he has a large ego and, I
believe, will not continue taking this kind of rejection for much
longer.
You know, as long as we are able to work things out financially b
combining our “resourses”, being somewhat careful about our spending,
and make some fairly wise decisions regarding how and where we live,
then life will be good. When the time is right I will explain my
finances in more detail.
Meanwhile, I just want you to know that I love you and know that we
will work out most of these problems using a cool head and a sweet
heart.
Kim
—–Original Message—–
From: Kim Haines [mailto:windsonginn@orcasonline.com]
Sent: Friday, April 12, 2002 7:06 PM
To: wayne@coolwebs.org
Subject: Attorneys
Honey –
Talked to the attorney a few minutes ago. He said that this kind of
behavior is not unusual for a man in Charles’ posiion because they have
been granted so much power and are accustomed to exercising it. Also
he said that it is sometimes difficult for a man of his position to
admit defeat and to take it gracefully. Normally he would have to be
the one that made the move to terminate, not me.
His suggestion is that I tell Sir c that I have contacted an attorney
and, if necessary, will take action. He suggested that a handle that
rather delicately (no kidding!) but that the threat will probably be
enough. So, when he calls again, and he will call again, I will tell
him. The attorney also waid that the next step would be for him to
write a letter to Sir C but didn’t feel that would be necessary,
although, he said, not knowing this man, it is difficult to say based
on anything other than his experience with these matters. We will see
what we will see…
HB
—–Original Message—–
From: Kim Haines [mailto:windsonginn@orcasonline.com]
Sent: Wednesday, April 03, 2002 8:53 AM
To: Wayne
Subject: RE: Welcome Home
Good morning Wayne
So-o-o good to be home again – well “home” may be a misnomer but back
in a place where I am not under pressure for anything.
Wayne, I’m going to get this out of the way so that we don’t cloud up
our time together talking about mundane things or things that do not
pertain to us.
Charles and I were engaged to be married when I broke it off. I had
begun to spend more and more time in the role of “first lady”, my
children and his children had begun to form “a family” and the people
involved in his world were becoming a part of my world. My children
really like Charles and I have become very fond of his children and
his grandchildren. Admitedly when we first began to see each other I
was not ready for a relationship because Sam’s death was still much to
fresh and raw but, as you have gathered, Charles is very tenancious
and persuasive. I woke up one day and just felt I couldn’t do this
and live in his world. Although accustomed to his world to a much
lesser degree, the demands from him, the demands of being married to a
man of such power, the social demands, the demands from family, the
demands of running a household with seven homes scattered around the
world, running a domestic staff, knowing he was not going to retire
anytime in the foreseeable future, building “our” new home in Pebble
Beach, and just being on call whenever and wherever finally took its
toll on me. I had been adament that we would not be intimate with
each other until we were married. I know that may sound crazy but it
was important to me at the time and he honored that request. Charles
has made numerous sacrifices in the name of our “relationship” and was
really committed to its success.
Charles has never accepted the fact that it is over. We were already
involved in this business deal where he has invested many $$$ and he
still feels he has a claim on me. I do want to make it clear that I
have the greatest repect for him in so many ways; I’m just not in
love with him and he has not come to grip with that as yet.
Our trip home was intense because he questioned me about what, where,
when, and why, and who the hell are you and how could I do that to him
and when did we start seeing each other, and, and, and…?
When you entered my life, I was not looking for a serious relationship
but rather fleeing from one. I’m not totally sure why I went on the
internet other than some friends thought it would be a good idea to
divert my attention to something else. Anyway, when I saw your
picture, I just took a chance and decided to write you, never
believing for one moment that anything more would come from it. I
also felt safe since you were hundreds of miles from me. When I
decided to go to explore Oregon in January and Eugene in particular,
and to meet with Zane, I thought meeting you for coffee and possibly
dinner would be fun and harmless. I had no idea you were about to
become this incredibly important person in my life. When we took the
walk through the park and you kissed me, I was so surprised I nearly
fell over but I also know I responded to you like a hungry child.
Sitting in front of the fire the following evening was even more
startling as I looked in your eyes and saw and felt something I had
not seen or felt since my marriage to Sam. Again, this caused me
great consternation but I sort of chalked it up to “there must be
something in the air” and this doesn’t mean anything. However, I
couldn’t get you out of my mind and as the days past and I began to,
at first, look forward to “stopping in Eugene for a cup of coffee on
my way south” to “I can’t wait to see you again” frame of mind began
to take over. I honestly don’t know what happened but you began to
creep into my conscience thoughts and as the days and weeks past since
I last saw you, I now find I can’t breathe without you being right
there.
I don’t want our short time together this coming week to be a test or
to put such demands on either of us, but rather just to enjoy one
another and to drink in the newness of what we seem to be developing
together.
When Charles asked me if I was in love with you and I answered “Yes”
it stopped me cold. Am I in love with you? Could I even fathom
spending the rest of my life with you? Could you with me? Could the
differences of our backgrounds be a serious factor in this equation or
is it important at all? So many questions and yet, if it is right,
then nothing will stand in our way. Time tells many things and I
really know we are in no hurry to make any decisions after the future
if we don’t want or need to.
So there you have it. All the ugly stuff and why it has and is
complicated. When I got off the plane yesterday Charles was standing
there with tears in his eyes and I felt like such a stupid ogre. He
has done nothing wrong to warrant my behavior except that I don’t want
to be part of his life.
If you were to say, O.K. Lady, I don’t want to be part of this, I
would understand. I haven’t been totally open with you about the
relationship I had with Charles but didn’t think it was pertinent to
you and I. Obviously, although in the past, it is important to our
future together, if there is one, for you to know what happened.
Enoug, enough. Let us put this behind us and not bring it up again. Kim
—–Original Message—–
From: Kim Haines [mailto:windsonginn@orcasonline.com]
Sent: Wednesday, April 03, 2002 8:53 AM
To: Wayne
Subject: RE: Welcome Home
Good morning Wayne
So-o-o good to be home again – well “home” may be a misnomer but back in a place where I am not under pressure for anything. Wayne, I’m going to get this out of the way so that we don’t cloud up our time together talking about mundane things or things that do not pertain to us.
Charles and I were engaged to be married when I broke it off. I had begun to spend more and more time in the role of “first lady”, my children and his children had begun to form “a family” and the people involved in his world were becoming a part of my world. My children really like Charles and I have become very fond of his children and his grandchildren. Admittedly when we first began to see each other I was not ready for a relationship because Sam’s death was still much to fresh and raw but, as you have gathered, Charles is very tenacious and persuasive. I woke up one day and just felt I couldn’t do this and live in his world. Although accustomed to his world to a much lesser degree, the demands from him, the demands of being married to a man of such power, the social demands, the demands from family, the demands of running a household with seven homes scattered around the world, running a domestic staff, knowing he was not going to retire anytime in the foreseeable future, building “our” new home in Pebble Beach, and just being on call whenever and wherever finally took its toll on me.
I had been adamant that we would not be intimate with each other until we were married. I know that may sound crazy but it was important to me at the time and he honored that request. Charles has made numerous sacrifices in the name of our “relationship” and was really committed to its success.
Charles has never accepted the fact that it is over. We were already involved in this business deal where he has invested many $$$ and he still feels he has a claim on me. I do want to make it clear that I have the greatest respect for him in so many ways; I’m just not in love with him and he has not come to grip with that as yet. Our trip home was intense because he questioned me about what, where, when, and why, and who the hell are you and how could I do that to him and when did we start seeing each other, and, and, and…?
When you entered my life, I was not looking for a serious relationship but rather fleeing from one. I’m not totally sure why I went on the internet other than some friends thought it would be a good idea to divert my attention to something else. Anyway, when I saw your picture, I just took a chance and decided to write you, never believing for one moment that anything more would come from it. I also felt safe since you were hundreds of miles from me. When I decided to go to explore Oregon in January and Eugene in particular, and to meet with Zane, I thought meeting you for coffee and possibly dinner would be fun and harmless. I had no idea you were about to become this incredibly important person in my life. When we took the walk through the park and you kissed me, I was so surprised I nearly fell over but I also know I responded to you like a hungry child. Sitting in front of the fire the following evening was even more startling as I looked in your eyes and saw and felt something I had not seen or felt since my marriage to Sam. Again, this caused me great consternation but I sort of chalked it up to “there must be something in the air” and this doesn’t mean anything. However, I couldn’t get you out of my mind and as the days past and I began to, at first, look forward to “stopping in Eugene for a cup of coffee on my way south” to “I can’t wait to see you again” frame of mind began to take over. I honestly don’t know what happened but you began to creep into my conscience thoughts and as the days and weeks past since I last saw you, I now find I can’t breathe without you being right there.
I don’t want our short time together this coming week to be a test or to put such demands on either of us, but rather just to enjoy one another and to drink in the newness of what we seem to be developing together.
When Charles asked me if I was in love with you and I answered “Yes” it stopped me cold. Am I in love with you? Could I even fathom spending the rest of my life with you? Could you with me? Could the differences of our backgrounds be a serious factor in this equation or is it important at all? So many questions and yet, if it is right, then nothing will stand in our way. Time tells many things and I really know we are in no hurry to make any decisions after the future if we don’t want or need to. So there you have it. All the ugly stuff and why it has and is complicated. When I got off the plane yesterday Charles was standing there with tears in his eyes and I felt like such a stupid ogre. He has done nothing wrong to warrant my behavior except that I don’t want to be part of his life.
If you were to say, O.K. Lady, I don’t want to be part of this, I would understand. I haven’t been totally open with you about the relationship I had with Charles but didn’t think it was pertinent to
you and I. Obviously, although in the past, it is important to our future together, if there is one, for you to know what happened. Enough, enough. Let us put this behind us and not bring it up again. Kim
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Updated: 29 June 2020